To all the 1NE Angels!
Just to say a HUGE THANK YOU!
For helping me reach 10 years sobriety!
Particularly for the past 18 months where you have gone over and above to help me.
Thank you for your kindness, generosity, love and support.
You’re all very special!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
I am grateful for the mere fact that I exist, I have hands, fingers, feet and toes, sound knees, I do not walk with any impediment, and I do not need a wheel chair for me to get around. I can see, listen, think, taste and smell. I can breath, swim, jump for joy, cry when tears take me. And today I can be aware of all of this because I do not pick up a drink.
A year ago I walked into 1NE with a black cloud over me which had been with me for many years. I am pleased to say that with the help and understanding of the counsellors and the many friends that I have made, the cloud is beginning to become lighter. I know that I have a long way to go, but with the help of 1NE I will get there. Sobriety is something to be grateful for and that I truly am, I am beginning to enjoy life and my family for the first time in years. I now have a wonderful grandson and if it wasn’t for the help and understanding that I have had to become sober, I would not have been able to treasure all these wonderful moments with him. To live is a joy which was something I did not want. I will always be indebted to everybody at 1NE.
A Year Into Sobriety
Our lovely Del Boy (Gerry) asked me if I would like to write a piece for this amazing newsletter for 1NE. Of course, I said yes – it’s a privilege – a year ago I could not have put pen to paper, I couldn’t stop my brain – going 100 mph!
Wow! – 5th March came around and I was totally thrown. I’d got to one year and what a year it’s been. I forgot so quickly, so to end this year putting pen to paper is truly mind blowing – so thank you Del Boy (Gerry).
When I came back to 1NE I was truly broken, being full of shame and guilt. I’d done a “cold turkey” (stopped all drugs) and I have to say it was horrific – 2 weeks of hell – dancing with the devil. After the physical withdrawals, my head was mental. As soon as I was able to go out, I was at the doors and 1NE.
My confusion came from wondering “how had this happened?” – I’d been clean (so I thought) for a few years but I’d got addicted to painkillers etc and it was downhill from there – hospitals, mental institutions, seizures, coma – and yet still I used! 2 1/2 years of madness, insanity, putting my family through hell, losing friends, losing myself.
Thank God my husband made that call to 1NE because I was totally lost. I didn’t know who to turn to or go to at that time. I shook from head to toe – my mind was mashed.
I prayed for the wanting to want to live. I truly was broken but there was a light. I could just barely see and feel, that light we hope and that hope came in 1NE.
I thank God daily for 1NE and the amazing staff. They gave me courage to get myself back into living life not surviving. The staff have played a major part in my recovery. I class every one of them as a recovery tool, in my life bag.
Fiona – your love, caring and hugs when I came back – I wasn’t loving me so to get a smile and a loving hug (honestly given) got me in that door. Your dedication, understanding and time given is mind blowing. You truly are an amazing lady – a woman of courage – thank you.
Jo – Your warmth, love, knowledge, and understanding of this disease, your caring attitude and “approachability” gave me hope. I thank you.
Anita – your love for recovery and mindfulness – your frankness and knowledge, warmth and openness, honest – “this is life or death”, you’re no messing about policy! “This shit kills!” – I thank you.
Tom – our silver fox! I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your patience, your knowledge, openness, heartfelt compassion, honesty for re-instilling my faith. You listened and I thank you.
Vaughn – your insight! How you plug in and get us to open up and dig deep, to see ourselves. Your compassion and sensitivity around painful past experiences – I thank you.
Our Jane – (“no pain no gain”) beautiful smile, big heart, your “approachability”, your compassion and ability to go where we don’t want to go to dig deep and when we do, you’re there – I thank you.
Rev Ray – your insight and knowledge, your “TLC” approach, your wisdom and acknowledgement – I thank you.
Marlene – compassionate, sensitivity around painful experiences and your insight and wisdom – I thank you for that.
And I thank all the clients who have come in and out of 1NE. They have played a major part in my recovery! Being in 1NE on an abstinence programme, we have together gone through some painful heart wrenching disturbing upsetting stuff! Thoughts, feelings, life episodes – past and present. This stuff has been a lot to do with the feeding of our disease.
Together through abstinence and having staff who know what they’re talking about. We have felt each other’s pain, got the acknowledgement and understanding we have craved. We’ve gained strength, got stronger and have grown together!
Not only have I learned about this disease, I have learned new skills to live with it. I’m learning to do life and to feel part of. To be counted, to feel worth a place in society.
I am truly grateful to 1NE to all who have been around in my past year. 1NE will always have a place in my heart. A year ago, my heart was loaded with dark, nasty stuff. My belief system, which I carried around from childhood and past events fed by “stinking thinking”. What took me to dark places in my head, my heart started emptying which then gave room to fill with compassion, love, choices, happiness, laughter, fun courage, etc, etc.
Today I’m still around 1NE. I do aftercare in the week, a group on Saturday mornings. I live a 12 step programme, I do to 3-5 meetings – which is a couples of hours out of my day.
What has recovery given me:
Apart from life, today I’ve got everything I need. Not what I want. What I want never gets me well – mentally or physically.
But getting what I need – Recovery – gets and keeps me well. Gives me peace of mind, instills hope, lets me live life – not just survive it.
And in Recovery, 1NE, AA, CA, NA, OA, 12 step programme, helping others, being of use, being in the circle of life – not on the outside looking in!
- Today, God has me
- My husband has his wife
- My kids have a “present” mum
- My grandchildren have a nan
- My friends have a friend
- Wow – miracles do happen
Sometimes we are just to clouded to see them and too numb to feel them. But not today
- Today that light shines bright
- Some days brighter than others!
- Thank God for 1NE, 12 Step fellowships
- Recovery for life